Taking The Reins Of My Life

When I look back, I would never have thought I would experience some of the hardships I’ve gone through. I have two beautiful daughters, but also two failed attempts to give them the whole family they deserve. My mindset was very weak and heavily influenced that the thought of a “happy family” included a mother and a father. But I was wrong, a happy family is a happy mother, and happy children. I sacrificed years of losing myself and facing hardships I chose to still be a part of before I realized these girls didn’t deserve a mother that was constantly being torn apart mentally and, on some occasion, physically. I truly believe Bridle Up Hope saved me, to be the best mother and woman I can for my children and most importantly for myself. I am proud to say they helped me become more hopeful, confident, and resilient. And there are not enough words to describe how grateful I am to have found them.

To put things simply, I thought that my trauma would hold me back in life. I developed anxiety after having my second daughter and managing a four-year relationship that was not healthy. I was slowing losing who I was without realizing, until I had a fist through a wall from not being able to control my anger one day. I called my doctor to help me get into therapy and started working on a plan to get the girls and I to our own place, starting with a better job to support it. And down the road I finally found something and signed the lease. The first couple weeks were hard adjusting to the new time alone when the girls would go away for the weekends to spend time with their dads. And one day, I was scrolling on Facebook and found Bridle Up Hope. It was almost as if it was calling to me and I read what it was about with the thought that it was a sign for me to do this for myself. I also had no experience with horses at all, and that unknown factor was a little intimidating, I could overcome two things at once from this program. It was an investment, but I knew I was worth investing in.

From doing the program, I gained an awareness of nature and of horses. I thought it was fascinating that we could have heart rate synchronization, and how they know how you’re feeling. I always tried to be in the best mindset going into my lessons, and for the most part it was easy. Learning the 7 Habits and relating them to horses was very interesting. And to experience how they go hand in hand firsthand was amazing. Be Proactive is probably the most important habit, because that is where it all begins. To work in tandem to obtain your own needs and your horse’s needs is the second most important habit, Think Win-Win. Of course these are my own personal opinions, but they are the ones that stick out the most. I have a strong memory of one morning, my youngest daughter’s father had set me off with so much anxiety, I was sure I would have to cancel my lesson. I was sure I was going to get thrown off the horse, that they’d know immediately the panic and self-doubt. But I went in and told Jessie, my teacher, she immediately told me to go sit on the grass and breathe. It wasn’t until she came to join me that I was “grounding,” giving my body direct contact with the Earth to help absorb all that excess energy my anxiety had built up. And after just two minutes, I felt like I I could breathe again, and was confident I could do this lesson after all. And at that moment I knew anything was possible. I would ride Sugar that day, and she would lend me her strength to accomplish our goal, posting at a trot. It was difficult to get the hang of in the beginning, but we finished strong.

Bridle Up Hope has given my daughters a better mother, that had the courage to take the reins to her own life and gained a new skill in the process that I enjoy and hope to pursue throughout my future. One day I’ll be able to teach the girls the same skill and habits, so they never question their self-worth or confidence. I am grateful for all the time I can squeeze in to continue to be a part of helping with barn service and continuing to care for the horses. I’m grateful to Kelly and Jessie, the barn leads, the students just like me, and most importantly the horses here in Las Cruces for such a life-changing experience.

- Las Cruces, New Mexico Woman Participant

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