My Soul Could Start to Heal

Hi! My name is Anna and I'm a participant of the Bridle Up Hope in Chernihiv, Ukraine. 

Like many of us, when the war began, my heart was broken. But a part of me, it felt like it had died because the war came into my own family too. My younger brother volunteered to defend us… and he was killed. It happened in our hometown, Chernihiv, at the Stadium in the city park. We were very close, so close that I actually felt it that terrible night, before anyone even told me.

A lot of time has passed, but it’s like I didn’t allow myself to feel that pain. I hardly cried at all, maybe because of what my father said then: “You can’t cry.” And with that pain, I also stopped feeling a lot of other things in life, even the good ones.

When I joined the project, I was hoping to find some time and space for myself, to learn something new. But I found something much deeper, a place where my soul could start to heal, where the wounds could slowly close.

I decided to take part because I trust the Universe. I felt like it was a sign, a path to change, and I was right. During my very first class, while talking with my instructor, I suddenly said something that surprised even me: “I want to feel again. Really feel. Because I’ve forgotten how.”

I truly believe that nothing happens by accident. It was very symbolic for me that the lessons took place in a horse club located in the city park,  on the way to which you have to pass the stadium where the closest person to me died. And every time I walked past it, it felt like a symbolic part of my recovery journey. It was always a sad road, but that was when I allowed myself to start feeling again, and that already felt different. Each time I walked by, I thought of him. But with every class, the feeling of pain and unfairness slowly turned into the understanding that, despite everything, my life goes on, and I have to keep moving forward.

I know for sure that the “before” and “after” me are two completely different people. I became stronger, more confident, and found inner peace. It’s like I learned how to gently hug myself from the inside,  how to care for myself. And as the project went on, changes started happening in my life, small and big achievements that I excitedly shared with my instructor. And each time, I realized again, there are no coincidences. Thanks to this project, I discovered a new world,  a place where I feel safe, where I feel happy. It became my “quiet harbor,” a space where time could stop for a while, and I could simply enjoy those precious moments.

I have healed, and I keep healing, no matter what. My brother once encouraged me to start my own business, something I always dreamed of, creating beauty and joy for people through decorations and balloon art. After his death, I thought I’d never be able to return to that dream.

But thanks to the project,  to the habits, the horses, and all the changes it brought into my life, I realized: “No, I have the right to keep living. To do what inspires me,  in his memory.”

I’m deeply grateful to the horses, to my instructor, and to all the wonderful people who created and support this project. Because right now, more than ever, we all need that light and warmth that can be found here.💛

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