Life, Confidence, and Belief In Myself

Looking back now, some of the sweetest parts of my life began when I was young, in moments that felt small but meant more than I knew. I was a quadruplet and grew up dealing with multiple food allergies, which made even simple things feel complicated. As I stepped into elementary school around 2015, life began to feel heavier. By fifth and sixth grade, school felt impossible. I struggled to make friends and needed tutors just to keep up. Over time, I began believing that nothing I did was enough unless it was perfect. Straight A’s became proof that I mattered. Sixth grade became even harder when I experienced cyberbullying and began losing confidence in myself. After that year, my mom chose to homeschool me, which was both a relief and a new challenge. During COVID in 2019–2020, while I was thirteen, I began experiencing new food allergies that left me dealing with daily heartburn and exhaustion. Around that same time, my brother passed away, a loss that changed everything for me. A year or so later from 2021-2023, life began to shift again. I started working at Culver’s in Heber, where I met many new friends, and a boy I quickly fell for. At first, the relationship felt almost perfect. For the first time in a long time, life felt simple again. But slowly, I began losing myself. I stopped trusting my own feelings and found myself bending in ways I shouldn’t have. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was being manipulated. The relationship that once felt exciting slowly became confusing and painful, and my confidence began to fade. After two years, the relationship had become deeply toxic. I often felt criticized, blamed, and unheard. I found myself walking on eggshells and losing sight of who I was.

Eventually, after giving many chances and hoping things would change, I knew I had to walk away. Leaving was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made, but I believed it was the only way to begin finding myself again. However, only a few months later, I found myself in a dark place. The words that had been said to me replayed constantly in my mind. I felt drained, anxious, and emotionally exhausted. Some days it felt nearly impossible to get out of bed. Slowly, I began to believe the hurtful things that had been said to me, and the confidence I once had felt distant. After living in that dark place for some time, I made the decision to serve a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Preparing to leave was incredibly difficult because of the struggles I was already facing, but despite everything, I chose to go. My mission got harder before it got easier. In fact, it felt challenging the whole time. I began to recognize that if I continued focusing on myself, I would not survive. I would give up and go home. So I did the only thing that seemed logical at that point. I tried, with considerable effort, to see beyond my own pain and frustrations and invite others to come unto Christ. I was able to finish my mission in July 2025, and although I found some healing, I was still hit hard by past trauma.

Only a few weeks after being home, my mom texted me about a program called Bridle Up Hope, which I began a few months later in October 2025. I had heard a little about it before, but I wasn’t very interested and found myself wondering why she thought it might be something I needed. I began my lessons anyway. I had always loved horses and initially just wanted to ride, but it was the one-on-one conversations with my instructor that truly changed my life. We studied The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and this book completely shifted my perception and attitude toward the program. I began learning incredible skills and quickly started applying them to my life and relationships. I felt so grateful, knowing that I could use these skills myself and even share them with those around me who hadn’t yet learned them.

The skills that helped me the most were Sharpen the Saw and Think Win-Win. Sharpen the Saw taught me to put myself first, to be patient with myself, and to make sure I stayed “sharp” rather than dull, and not letting anyone else make me feel dull. My past had made me forget who I truly was, but this habit reminded me I was on a mission to find my true identity again and helped me continue growing and protecting my sense of self. Think Win-Win taught me that I am a winner, and everyone around me is too. I loved realizing that I could choose to be a winner while encouraging the people around me to do the same. At the same time, it taught me not to let anyone treat me like a doormat, assuming they are winning because I feel discouraged. It gave me hope and confidence, showing me that I am never truly losing, I deserve to win in life. I am so grateful for Bridle Up Hope, for the horses, and for the skills that helped me become a better person. Because of this program, I feel saved. Saved from trials, trauma, and dark times when I thought I might never get out. I am especially thankful for my instructor and the time she spent teaching me each week. She helped me regain something I never thought I would have again; life, confidence, and belief in myself.

Bridle Up Hope didn’t just teach me skills, it gave me a chance to heal, grow, and rediscover my strength. For that, I am forever grateful.

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